Dear Debt, We’re Here Again
When we said goodbye three years ago, I thought it was forever. At least, that is what I told myself. But now I’ve taken on some of the worst kind of debt — credit card debt. And I’m not proud of it either.
It makes me feel sick all over again. It gives me anxiety to log into my account. I wish I could say it was from lavish nights out or amazing experiences, but it’s from my business.
I am at a juncture in my career where I’m somewhere between freelancer and entrepreneur. I’m hovering in both worlds and dealing with the emotional and financial growing pains.
The debt is from me paying for many of my event expenses upfront before other cash from ticket sales or sponsorships come in. It’s from me growing Lola Retreat into something that is mine, something that has legs.
Currently, I have around $4,000 on
I know the money is on the way and I’m here again because of business cash flow issues. And hello, throwing an event is NOT cheap. Those food and beverage minimums and rental fees are thousands of dollars. But I am DONE with you debt.
In two to three months, you will be gone as I get paid from my freelance work, ticket sales and sponsorships. It will all come together. But right now I’m in an awkward, uncomfortable phase building my business and you’re here bugging me yet again.
This debt represents my hopes and dreams. My career. I’m investing in something and hoping it pays off. It is scary and I try to keep the faith.
I keep working and hustling. I say yes to more work. I pay off whatever I can, as much as I can, until this balance goes back to zero.
It’s so funny. I didn’t get my first credit card until I was 28 because I was terrified of debt. I hated it. But since then, I’ve successfully paid off my balances in full every month of every year.
I try not to beat myself up over it too much because that won’t change anything. I feel almost ashamed being here again, like it means I’m some kind of failure. A hack, a fraud.
But I know my readers are paying you off too, debt, and going through their own trials and tribulations. Early readers were there for me when I painstakingly tracked my debt repayment and got out of $81,000 in student loan debt.
Now, you are much smaller and I know for a fact you will be gone in a matter of months. But it’s still a slippery slope.
I see the holes in my financial planning. I understand how my personal life and mental health affected my ability to earn and to save.
I’m in a good place, finally, after what seemed to be two years of disappointments and heartache.
I am determined to make this my best financial year yet and building a sustainable foundation in my business, so I don’t cozy up too close to you again.
Debt, you are annoying company and I just wish you would leave me alone but you don’t catch the hint.
Soon, very soon, you will be gone.
Your time is up,